This week has been tough in my house. I am learning patience with my children and it’s a battle. I used to feel like the worse Mom in the world because I didn’t know how to control my temper. I would get mad at my children for the smallest things. My expectations were so high that I got mad over spilled juice, handprints on the glass door, crumbs on the floor….and the list goes on. Until one day my four-year-old with fear in her voice told me something that radically changed my behavior. She told me with a soft voice, “Mommy you scare me when you yell.” In that moment, tears rolled down my face. I hugged her and told her, “Mommy is sorry. Do you forgive me?” She smiled up at me and told me, “yes mommy.” And then I told her I loved her. Just like that and she let it go, but I didn’t. (I still get choked up recapping that.)
How did I let it get that far? I told myself before I had children I was going to break the cycle of yelling. You don’t want to know the stories early on when I was dating and married to my husband. Yelling and not knowing how to communicate almost cost me to lose my husband. (that is for another blog post) It seemed too common in my family. I didn’t want my daughter to grow up yelling. I put fear in her heart and for a few weeks I walked around feeling guilty, ashamed, and embarrassed. I felt defeated and I failed. I prayed, and God was right there saying, “Daughter, I forgive you.” “I still love you” ” get up and try again” not in a audible voice, but in my Spirit. Just like my daughter quickly forgave me, God did too. His love never fails me even when I may fail Him and others. I needed to let my children be human and make mistakes, just like I do. So, sisters I am here to say, give yourself permission to fail, because His love for you never does. His mercy and grace remains. It doesn’t even have to pertain to motherhood. But any type of failure in your life you may be feeling. I fail sometimes at making the right decisions in my life. We are fallible and warped women. But our adequacy comes from God and not of ourselves. (2 cor 3:5)
I want them to see that their mother is flawed, but by the grace of God he has the power to evoke beauty from failure.” `Angela Nasworth
The start of my journey started a little over a year ago, learning to communicate with my children in a different way. That is with Jesus help! Let’s read what Jesus says when we look to Him:
Come unto me, all you that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart: and you shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30 NKJV
This verse has been my rock. One I have memorized in my heart. I ask that he helps me treasure his words in my heart that I may not sin against him..(Psalm 119:11) He is never too far from us. He invites us to come to Him, open up to Him, and let him know how we are feeling. We just have to go to Him knowing He is there to listen. That is such a privilege. (tears) God has been and he is teaching me how to show more grace toward my children by:
- thinking before I speak ..swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger (James 1:19-20)…I find it ironic that its says first we should be quick to hear and everything else is slow. Think about it, when we are slow to speak we can think before we speak. When we are slow to anger it gives us the chance to react in a kind way.
- listening more-it’s amazing how communication works better when I drop what I am doing and listen.
- letting go of control and seeking God to help me control my anger
- reassuring my children-accidents happen
- sweet reminder-meek and quiet spirit is precious to God (1 peter 3:5) (strength under control)
- allow my children to see me mess up so they know mommy and daddy makes mistakes too.
- treat them the way I want to be treated (respect, kindness,etc)
- And here is the big one…God knows and sees everything. That keeps my heart in check. I want to please him.
I’ve seen a big difference. I’ve also seen growth and setbacks, but it’s a process and one I might never get right. But I’ve learned humility, compassionate, empathy and generosity is all born out of failure. Praying for all the women who feel like a failure that you see that the Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abundant in mercy. (Psalm 103:8) It’s through the failures that we grow and mature in Christ.
My flesh and my heart fails, but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever. NKJV
How does he help you through failures? Is there a verse you would like to share.. Leave a comment and let me know.
Looking Unto Jesus,